Two Cents

What do you think would happen?

2009-04-04T11:09:00.003+02:00

That's right. What do you think would happen if I stood in the seminary courtyard with a cardboard sign saying, "Will Marry For Good Doctrine"?

Anyone?

My March 2009 Newsletter

2009-04-03T15:23:00.013+02:00

Cieszyn, Poland

Greetings to you all in the name of our resurrected Savior, Jesus Christ! Happy Easter, Happy Resurrection Celebrations! This is by far my favorite church holiday and I do miss being home at this time of year. But the good news is that it doesn’t matter where we are, we can celebrate Jesus’ resurrection, because He died for all!

I’ve got quite a bit of news for you this newsletter (hard to believe, huh?), so I’ll dive right in! It’s been a short couple of months for me. I think that’s probably because I’ve been so busy. But to remind you, I included in my last newsletter news about my grandpa, and requesting prayers for Him as well as for what, at the time was to be upcoming extensive travels in the months of January and February. So, I’ll start with updating you on these items.

First, the extensive travels. Some of you already know about this! Many months ago now, my mom and I were talking over Skype, and I can’t really recall the conversation, but I imagine I was probably feeling a bit homesick and asking her if she and my dad would be able to visit me this year, or if I would be able to visit them during one of our long breaks at school. It wasn’t a serious idea at first, but soon it became one. And it became our little secret. J So, my mom helped me to book a flight home for January, and she had the duty of keeping our secret. I must give her props for keeping it a very well-kept secret for quite a while before it was leaked to a few people (because she just can’t lie!). Anyhow, we managed to keep it a wonderful, wonderful surprise.
I’ll tell you briefly about surprising my dad, though I was very satisfied with the sheer number of people I surprised and all the various reactions. But first, it’s important to note that it was my dad and great-grandma’s birthday two days after I arrived in the USA. To start, my dad. My mom and I discussed at great length for many months all the schemes we could think of for surprising him. Finally, because an aunt from Phoenix was coming the day before me, we decided that my mom and dad would drive to the airport to get “my aunt.” Of course, my aunt was staying with a friend for a day so that this plan could work beautifully. Even with a few disruptions to my flights, my dad didn’t suspect a thing! I walked down the long hall of the airport knowing exactly where my mom and dad would be waiting, and finally turned the corner where they were. I walked right to them, the only people in the waiting area. My dad just sat there, stunned, until I was standing in front of him and said in a chipper voice, “Happy Birthday, Dad!” I think he stammered over his words for a minute, until he told me what he was thinking: “Well, I was looking at that girl thinking, ‘Gee, she looks a lot like Steph…wait, that is Steph!!” It was great. Obvious questions followed, one by one they came trickling out…
Dad: What about Judy (my aunt)? She’s not coming, then?
Mom & me: She’s waiting outside.
Dad: Very strange expression appears on his face as he squeezes my shoulder.
Dad: Does everyone know about this except for me? (After some lady in the airport who my mom had talked to about this, asked my dad if he was surprised.)
Mom: Well, not everybody.
Dad: So, how long have you had this planned? How long do you get to stay?
…..and the list goes on.

I was able to stay home for three weeks during a winter break at our school. What a great blessing it was to see family and friends again! Words cannot even begin to describe the great joy it was to be home and visit everyone again. Praise God for His great gifts and allowing me this great opportunity (which came at a really good time—to see Grandpa), to visit my home away from Home!

Grandpa (pictured above) started chemotherapy in January, a week or two before I got home. He had to stay at the hospital in Rochester, MN for about a month before he was well enough to go home and stay healthy. He was very happy to be home again, and started getting out and about right away. He had a good report from the last blood test they did at the hospital. The blood test showed no leukemia, but he’d also had a lot of blood and other cell and platelet transfusions. Since then, he’s been getting chemo treatments a week at a time, and he’ll be heading back to Rochester for a week this week. Please continue to keep him in your prayers.

Here’s a quick review of life until now, and I will write more about significant happenings later. Two days after returning to Poland I was back at school (and a little sleepy). But it was back to work, and it was great to see all my students again, who were eager to know what I did, who/what I saw while I was in the States, if I watched the Presidential Inauguration, etc. and so on. About two weeks later, I fell quite ill with what I think may have been bronchitis. I can honestly say I’ve never been as sick in my life as I was for those two plus weeks. But on the bright side, I got to experience something new culturally. A friend took me to see the doctor. It was interesting. It’s not quite like visiting the doctor in the US at all, but it was good. But she told me she hadn’t ever seen anyone with such a red throat. This doctor was so nice, too. I found out that she is a Christian woman, and probably one of the best doctors in Cieszyn. I also found out that I had gone on a sleigh ride in the mountains a few weeks earlier with her daughter! Small world! Anyway, she gave me a long list of prescription drugs to help get me better quickly, and advised me to stay at home for another week. I’m feeling so much better now! And I have a voice again (important for my line of work)!

Shortly after that, all of us Eurasia missionaries gathered in Zilina, Slovakia for a missionary gathering. I’ll talk more about that later.

Zilina is soooo beautiful. I highly recommend it.

"The Four"

A view of Zilina.

Me, showing the girls how to have fountain fun.

"I am sixteen, going on seventeen..."

Since the gathering, I’ve been getting in the swing of things again, tutoring (which I’ll also say more about later), and doing library upkeep as well as adding books to the library which I was able to buy while in the States. So far, almost half of those books have been checked out! There are a few that have been checked out already a few times, too! Thank you to everyone at my church for the door offerings and to those of you who have chosen to give monetary gifts directly to me for ministry! You made those purchases for our library possible!! In all, I think I was able to buy about 35 books for the school. I tried to focus on getting more books for boys, too, as there aren’t many interesting books for our young boys in our English library. I also got several “Reader” books, which are the books which beginning readers start with, and they show the reading level on the backs of the books. These “Readers” help students to find books appropriate for their reading level. It helps me with helping them to find appropriate books, too!

Our Eurasia Missionary Gathering brought missionaries from north to south in Eastern Europe: Poland, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Hungary. This gathering was a huge blessing for me, and I think it’s safe to say the same for everyone there. It was so wonderful to be reunited to spend meaningful time together and to share the love of Christ, to have our cups filled again. It can sometimes be discouraging and wearing to give and give and give, then to not be filled in return, which is exactly why this gathering was so wonderful. It was a time to be filled. We had several meaningful times of prayer and song. We were also blessed to have among us a pastor, Pastor Jim, who is a missionary in Prague, Czech Republic, and he led our worship service on Sunday morning. WHAT a blessing to worship in English again! In addition to those wonderful blessings, we were all able to share success stories, and share knowledge of what we’ve learned from both successes and failures in the places we are serving. For many of us, our ministry is based out of the school we teach in, so we were also able to share how we integrate the Gospel into our lessons—and it’s always great to get new ideas for that! Bottom line, though, for this gathering, is that it was a huge blessing for me. It’s given me what I’ve been longing for, for a very long time—fellowship with other Christians, and a renewal of Spirit. Praise God for that!

Here’s our group picture…what a good-looking bunch of people!

I also mentioned earlier that I tutor. I’ve been doing this for a while now and so far only two students have ever showed up, but not at the same time. Lately, I’ve had one girl, Patrycja, who has been coming regularly. Patrycja is a very special girl. Her mom died when she was 8 years old. Since then she has been living with her grandfather, and her sister is living down the street with someone else. I can’t say much more about Patrycja, but I would like to ask you to pray for Patrycja. Living alone with her grandfather is difficult at times, and she is struggling in school, but she is a brilliant young girl. She has come to my tutoring lessons, she says, to improve her English, which I believe, but I also think she comes so that she can talk with a female adult and have that in her life. Last week, she really opened up to me about her home life and things going on in all areas of her life. She was crying as she was telling me about this and I could see the pain in her eyes and on her face. I comforted her by saying, quite sincerely, that I am so happy she is coming to me each week, and I’m happy that she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about these things, but above all, I told her I wanted to remember that I care about her. At the end of our lesson, I asked her if I could give her a hug, and I did. Then she told me that she couldn’t remember the last time she was hugged by an adult. At that point, I was doing everything I could to keep from weeping myself. Please pray for her struggles at home and at school. Pray for our lessons that God would bless our time together, and that she will be open to hearing the Gospel. Patrycja also talked about one of her best friends at school, Iwona. She is scared for Iwona because Iwona is in a difficult situation at home as well, so I ask you, too, to keep Iwona in your prayers. Pray for Iwona and her mom, and please pray that God would give them the strength they need right now.

Other Odds and Ends
This last week, I was invited by a dear friend of mine, to speak to her fourth grade class about America. So I went, and I talked to them, and answered their questions. It was a delight for me and I’m sure I’ll never forget them! Here’s a picture:

Last week I was informed of the death of a good friend, Ewa Macura (pictured above, left), who was like an aunt or a grandmother to me. Last year, I spent nearly every Sunday afternoon with her and her family. She made everyone a big Sunday dinner and we would stay together all afternoon. I have very fond memories of her and our time together. I can thank her, and that time together, for much of the progress I made in learning Polish, as she and her family didn’t speak English. Ewa turned 86 on March 5. A few months ago doctors discovered a tumor in her. I thank God that she was a God-fearing woman and that she is now happier and healthier than she’s ever been, rejoicing in Heaven this Easter!

A day after I learned of Ciocia (Auntie) Ewa’s death, I went to school and noticed that something wasn’t right. The 27 year old sister of one of our teachers had died early that morning. Doctors concluded that she died of sepsis (she had a fever that reached a dangerously high temperature, when bacteria entered her bloodstream; once that happens, it’s deadly, and it’s quick). Please pray for comfort for both the families of Ciocia Ewa, and of Beata Kisiala. Pray especially for Beata’s sister, a teacher at our school, Dorota Kisiala, who is understandably having a very difficult time right now.

More Prayer Requests

For missionaries and I who are all near each other. Pray that we would use our talents and gifts to mutually encourage one another, and help each other. Pray that our relationships would continue to grow in Christ. And Thank God for each of them! I am so thankful they are here!

Pray for all Eurasia missionaries, and missionaries everywhere, that they be given an extra measure of the Spirit…as they are working on a spiritual battlefield.

Pray for ME! Please pray that I will return to the States having a job. My name is on the Call list now and I’m waiting to hear from three possible schools (and really hoping for one near St. Louis!). Please pray that whatever happens would be God’s will, and that I would be content with that. Please pray, too, that in the meantime, my nerves would rest a little, and just let God worry about it!

Please pray that, as I am looking ahead to returning to the States, not knowing yet where I’ll be going, that things would fall together when they need to: housing, especially, but also getting settled into a new home very quickly, then getting adjusted to a new area and starting work in a new place.

Please pray for my fellow teachers at GTE/LOTE. I can see that so many are feeling worn out and exhausted. They tell me it’s so hard to motivate students, and that it’s so tiring. Please pray for their continued endurance, and renewal of strength, new ideas.

Please pray for these students, that they would also be renewed. Spring is here and it’s hard to focus. The end is near, and that makes it hard to focus as well.

Please pray that the students wouldn’t lose sight of their vocation as students now, and that they would absorb everything that teachers put in front of them.

Please pray for the leadership in our schools, that our leaders would use discernment and make good decisions for the benefit of the school, the teachers, the students.

Thank God that spring is here in Cieszyn, Poland! God has blessed us with beautiful days, wonderful weather, singing birds and shining sun!!

Thank God for choosing people like you and me to carry out His plans, in America and overseas, and in your home congregation or your own backyard.

Please continue to pray for opportunities for me to share the Gospel and for me to recognize those opportunities.

Please pray for my seniors who are about to take their Matura exam. It’s the most important exam of their career as students (they are very stressed over this exam!), and it will determine which university they can go to. Please pray that they would all do well, to the best of their abilities.

Please pray for a replacement(s) for me in Cieszyn next year, and for all the places which still need volunteers for next year.

Please continue to pray for my grandfather, who is receiving chemo treatments.

Please continue to pray for the safety and protection (physical and spiritual) of my family.

Thank you for reading!

Thank you for your encouragement, fellowship, and monetary support!
Without even one of these things, this mission would be impossible!
I’m thankful for you!

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 1:3-6

Happy Easter!

If you would like to contribute financially to my work in Poland, please visit http://www.lcms.org/pages/internal.asp?NavID=11885 to see my page on the LCMS World Mission website and to learn more about donating. I’ve got about $3,000 left to raise.

If you know someone who would like to be added to this newsletter emailing, or if you would like to be removed from it, please send an email to me at: Stephanie.Rosburg@lcms.org

Prayers Needed

2009-03-26T00:24:00.002+01:00

In recent days, I've been informed of two deaths.

One was Ciocia (Auntie) Ewa. She was Ciocia to me, too. Last year, I went to her house every Sunday after church. She didn't speak English and it's partly thanks to her that I was able to learn so much Polish. She was the sweetest Polish lady I knew. On March 5 she turned 86. Her funeral is Friday and I'll be going with a friend. She was, by the way, the real aunt of my friend, Krystyna. And, Ewa had one surviving daughter. So, please pray for her family (and for me) as we mourn her death, but rejoice in the fact that she's singing, leaping, jumping...she's happier and healthier than she's ever been before because she's in heaven.

Hours later, I found out that the 27 year old sister of a teacher had died in the middle of the night. Her name was Beata and she'd just finished her studies at the university last year. They're still not sure what exactly she died from, but she was feeling sick and had a fever the day before. She went to the hospital in the evening and died in the early morning. Doctors suspect it may have been septis, which is when a fever is so severe that bacteria enters your bloodstream. It can be very fatal if not treated immediately. Obviously, this is a shock to Dorota, Beata's sister, and the whole family, as well as for everyone at our school that is close to Dorota and who knew Beata. I really feel for them right now. Please pray for them, too. This certainly isn't an easy time for them.

I don't have any news about my grandpa right now. He seems to be feeling fine...he goes to work still and does things around the house like normal. He's going back to Rochester for chemo treatments again next week, for a whole week. Please keep him in your prayers as well.

I Haven't Been Fair To My Readers

2009-02-25T02:30:00.002+01:00

I haven't written a decent post for a long time. And a lot has happened! Maybe that's why I hesitate. There's much too much to cover. So just a few, insignificant things for now...as it is wa-a-a-a-a-a-ay past my bedtime here in Eastern Europe.

I'm getting used to being domestic. I baked today! I made some chewy oatmeal M&M cookies and some homemade bread! Mmmm.

And before I was able to do that, I had to visit my neighbor to get her blender, only she wasn't home, so I had to ask her son who had no idea where it was so he asked his sister... I heard a loud crash in their kitchen, and about a minute later he returned with a pop bottle cap in his mouth and the mixer in his hand trying to put the attachments into it. It was quite the sight. It made me smile a big smile, and laugh.

Before that, I was doing some other domestic duties. One of which was washing the dishes. I cut my thumb. There was a lot of blood. There was also a brief moment that was semi-hilarious... I was walking to my bathroom to get a bandage with my thumb positioned over my free hand which was cupping the blood that was gushing ever so freely and since I wasn't yet sure how bad it was, I wondered to myself if the local hospital (across the street) has any doctors who are as good as Dr. Gregory House, M.D. I chuckled to myself for thinking that. What would a diagnostition tell me anyway? "Ma'am, you seem to have cut your finger. I'm sorry. You need stitches. If you refuse, we'll amputate."

And before that! I had a private English lesson with a dear friend. We joke and laugh all the time. And I'm a bad influence. I get it from my mother. Anyway, my friend is almost 40 years old, is a pediatrition at the local hospital where her husband, about 50 years old, also works. She doesn't have any children, and she's afraid to have any children at her age; she knows the risks for the child and doesn't want to take those risks. So, she wants to adopt a child (or two or several). Her husband doesn't. Oh, one more thing: she and her husband live in a tiny apartment right now. Her husband wants to buy a 6 bedroom house for the two of them and remodel it...instead of adopting a child (which is free). This has been an ongoing saga and today we were making jokes of it to lighten the atmosphere...and her mood. So, I told her what she should do... she should convert their office into a bedroom for a child and decorate it with either pink frills or sports equipment, but get a bed and all sorts of children's toys and decorations in there... If she can't have the kid, what's the harm in pretending? :) Of course I was joking and she would never do that... but it sure was fun for us to think about!
On a serious note, though, please do pray for this situation...she so, so, so badly wants a child. And she's willing to take a child from the orphanage; a child that equally needs a tender, loving home.

In the next edition of my Two Cents...
I will talk about my visit to the USA for three weeks in January/February and how I surprised the WHOLE family! THAT was awesome!

But for now, I MUST....go....to....sleep! It's 3 a.m. I must be nuts.

And to think that when I heard my alarm go off this morning at 6:30am, I thought it was going to be a bad day...What a great day it turned out to be!! Praise God!!!

AND... it's Fat Tuesday. Happy Lent, everyone!!!! Well...not happy, maybe somber...but you know what I mean. I wish you all a reflective season this lent; may you learn something knew about our great Savior, our wonderful God.

WILL MARRY FOR GOOD DOCTRINE

2009-02-22T19:14:00.000+01:00

That's all.

2009-01-13T22:52:00.002+01:00

I'm flying home Friday morning!

Whew... off my chest. Well, not that it's been bothering me.

I'm beginning to face the reality that I actually will be home soon. The best part is that it's still a surprise for about 80% of my family! :) I'm going to take my camera, put it on the videotaping option, and walk down that airport corridor to watch my dad's utter astonishment, befuddlement, and hopeful joy! He thinks he going with my mom to pick up my mom's sister. Muahahaha. My mom and I are the plotters of this big surprise. We've been planning it for months. It does come at a really good time, though, with my grandpa being in the hospital. Not so great weather, though, I hear. It's -20 degrees Fahrenheit with 50 MPH winds and windchill. Ewwww. Another blizzard is on the way as we speak. Double ewwww.

Well, anyway... I just had a moment of realization. I could actually conceptualize [and feel (you know, deep down in your chest where all the deep emotions lie) what felt like my heart leaping] meeting my friends again...and their reactions to seeing me when they aren't expecting to see me until July! :))))) I'm getting so very excited!

Traveling begins Thursday at 8am. A fellow teacher is driving me to a hotel in Krakow (couldn't find anyone to drive me to the airport at 2:30 Friday morning...wonder why?). So I'll spend the day in Krakow (probably at the hotel), and I'll call a taxi eeeeearly in the morning to drive me a few kilometers down the road to the airport where I'll begin the next stage of my journey. Twenty-four hours later, I should be carrying that camera down the corridor with me! Woo!

And tomorrow I get to show our newest missionary to Poland around our area. She arrived safely Sunday afternoon. In addition to helping her around, helping her to get acquainted with new surroundings, we'll get to meet up with the other two girls who are serving nearby in the Czech Republic. It will be our first meeting alltogether! I'm pretty excited for this, too!
...and afterwards...I sleeeeep. :) What a great day tomorrow will be!

Joys

2009-01-10T16:55:00.002+01:00

So... in all my complaining, I didn't mention some of the joys of the last few weeks/days.

My favorite:

I was invited to a good friend's house to talk with her, her daughter and her husband. She and I stayed up until 3:30am, talking in her living room. It was so wonderful.

And, to top it off, during our conversation she told me she thought I would make a wonderful mother someday. :)

Some Icing for the Cake

2009-01-10T14:14:00.003+01:00

I think my cats have fleas...again.

They're both less than happy with me right now as I've just given them very thourough baths. And locked them in the bathroom while I attempt to clean the flat as well as I can...

Will be calling the vet for some of that good ol' liquid flea-killer again. And for their shots. Ugh.

Will I get everything done before Thursday? I mean Wednesday... as I apparently have no ride to the airport, so instead of 24 hours of traveling, it will be 48. Woo. I'm so excited.

...reminding myself it could be worse, it could be worse.... St. Paul....thorn....grace...enough...so silence yourself...

A Long One...

2009-01-10T10:49:00.003+01:00

I'm a slacker, but at least I can admit it. It's been a long time since I last wrote. More than a month!! I know, even I can't believe it. But now that I've got that off my chest...

Here are some things that have been happening.

December was a really good month, overall. I think it was my favorite month of teaching to date. Perhaps also the worst. But with some of my classes, I was able to build stronger and better relationships than ever. I had a lot of fun teaching last month. It seemed like, at least with some groups, lesson planning was so easy because I knew that whatever I brought to class, it would be good. Of course, that wasn't true for all of my classes, but I'm not complaining. Beggars can't be choosers.

December was simply a month of many joys. I also spent a lot of quality time with some dear friends. I did a lot of baking with them. We prepared for Christmas, we celebrated Christmas together, and it was a time of euphoria.

Until.

I got a call from home. Actually, I called home. It was Christmas day and my parents were celebrating Christmas with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. My brothers were elsewhere with their families. Anyway... That was the day I found out my grandpa has Leukemia. I was a little prepared for it, but not prepared for how taken aback I would be when the news was confirmed, especially by him. I knew he was having tests done at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. And I thought the chances of him having Leukemia were pretty steep considering we've observed him having some blood problems and a rather palish, but oddly dark complection. I know it's a contradiction in terms...but it's hard to explain how he looked. Anyway, the point is that the news was hard to take, especially coming from him. And especially knowing what our whole family collectively knows. My great aunt, my grandpa's sister, died of Leukemia, and my grandpa was the one that took her to her chemotherapy treatments, saw her suffer through the treatments with the immune system weakening, huge doses of morphine, hair loss, and other side effects such as shaking, then having to get around with a walker.

It's hard. He's my only living grandpa. By some token I'd be really happy if he were released from this earthly life. On the other hand... well, there's a lot on the other hand. He's my only living grandpa. He's been handed a death sentence, so this isn't just like he's going to pass from earthly life to eternal life without some conscious knowledge that it could be very soon or that it could be rather painful. And on a rather petty note--he'd be leaving a huge mess for the family, namely my mom. He's a pack rat. He's still running a business and it's running straight into the ground (and actually, my mom is the one left with all the business). The business has been up for sale for more than a year now and it's still not sold (unless, fingers crossed, it sold a few days ago). And the most devastating thing for me to watch out of this is my mom's suffering. Without me. I'm 6,000 miles away, helpless. What can I do except call home when she's extremely busy to begin with, only to delay her with a phone call that maybe helps her to not think about the circumstances for a while, and me knowing that her only solice from me is my saying, "yeah...yeah....yeah.... but it will get better." And that's not true solice, because it's a blind lie. It's probably not going to get better. At least not before it gets much worse.

So, another insight into my mom's suffering. She worked for my grandpa for 26 or so years. She was manager, but treated like dirt for being the boss's daughter, paid dirt because everyone else was coming from higher end jobs and demanding more, so she took the pay cuts. The job was a total nightmare for her for about 25.5 years. My dad and I finally talked her into giving up her job there (after not even being able to cash her paychecks for almost a year), and take a lower-paying job (? sort of...considering she wasn't actually cashing any paychecks) as the church secretary. But note: my dad also owns his own business. He and my mom do all the work, my mom doing all the bookwork. So, there's another job.

So here she is now. She's the church secretary--full-time job. She's doing my dad's bookwork, the bookwork for their personal accounts, my bookwork (against my will), my grandparent's bookwork, and STILL doing the bookwork for my grandpa's business. Oh, yeah. And payroll. Oh... and still not cashed any of those paychecks. Which she might never be able to do considering the business is already in-the-hole. And now, we have to add in, where there's no more room, that she must now also try to sell my grandpa's business while dealing with this news, not knowing what she's doing, and knowing that whatever this business sells for is what my grandparents have to live on for the rest of their earthly lives. Did I mention that the business is already in the hole? Well, she's got to keep it running until someone buys it, and that's hard to do when there's no money.

AGH! I'm so sick of watching this from the sidelines, helpless. If I were a millionaire, I could assure my mom that she'd never have to see more bookwork or business deals in her life!

So...this isn't as refreshing of a blog as I originally thought it would be. But now it's out there, lightening the load? Not totally. Not much at all. But somehow I feel a little bit better.

Well, that's the deep, dark alleyway that I'm walking through right now. And I'd like to say that my first week back into teaching went well, but I'm not so sure it did. I was too much of a mental case.

And the week before, two other missionary girls and I went to England (London, Stratford-Upon-Avon, Bath), and I'd love to say it was great, but I had a lot on my mind, got off to a bad start by forgetting my passport at home, missing my flight, getting there a day and a half later... anyway, I had a lot on my mind and wasn't digesting it healthily and was therefore quite grouchy. That, and a few instances during the trip (such as me tripping twice in one morning, scraping my knee) made me an even more pleasant travel companion, I'm sure.

I'm trying to look on the bright side tho. At least I have a grandpa, and I have family to suffer with. And I do feel this so that means I'm not dead inside. And I know that God is in control. I know that He tests us in new ways all the time...but that things work out for good to those than love Him. And I know (from personal experience) that these great trials are used to strengthen us and eventually help someone who's going through the same or similar situation.
And in regards to the trip. I was grouchy and I'm not ready to apologize for that. I apologize for my less-than-helpful behavior/attitude at times, though. And I'm still not forgetting my blessings... that I was able to go to England. That I am in that percentage of less than half the population of the world that might ever even consider going to England or travelling abroad, period. That I have friends to travel with. That, even though it was a rather (too) expensive trip, the money will be replenished. That even if that money were to not be replenished, I'm still taken care of. That we three girls were kept out of harm's way. That I didn't have a horrible day every day. That I was able to get my mind off things for at least a few minutes each day. That, above all, my God is stronger and mightier than any petty thing, problem, disease, arguement, dark alley of life...anything and everything. And He's MY God. And He loves me. He loves me more than is even imaginable. More than I love my cats, my brothers, my grandparents, mom, dad, nieces, nephews, friends, best friends...more than all of those put together!!! And He loves my whole family, and everyone I care about. And He's in control.

See, life isn't bad at all if you just put it in perspective.

I mean, really: what is earthly suffering anyway? MAYBE 100 years, let's say 0-105 years on the earth. That's like tiny time. It's like that 15-minute coffee break that's always too short...at least compared to the time eternal that we'll have with Jesus. This is the road to patience...and toleration (in a good sense). And I'm still so richly blessed that it blows my mind. How can anyone deny God?

A Day in the Kitchen

2008-12-03T20:08:00.000+01:00

I spent my free day today with a German friend who's living in Poland. She likes to come over sometimes to bake; we usually use some of my recipes, but today we used hers! And they were good! They brought back some memories of cookies my grandma and aunt used to make. I have no idea what we called them in English, and I can't really remember the German names, either. But here they are!

Kurpferl ??

A pie-shell type dough, rolled up, baked, and covered in a powdered sugar and vanilla sugar mix.

Yum!!

Don't remember what they're called, but same thing: pie-shell type mix, rolled into a ball, poke a dent into it with the handle of a wooden spoon, carefully put in some black-currant jam. Then bake, remove from oven, sprinkle powdered sugar & vanilla sugar mix onto it.

My favorites were these. They are made out of egg whites, almonds, and dates...probably some sugar, too. I wasn't watching my friend the whole time, so I didn't catch everything that went in... they aren't like anything I've seen before, but they sure are yummy! And soft and gooey.

A sample overview.

I'll be getting the recipes soon, I hope! If you're interested, I'll post them. I'm also going to be learning how to make some Polish Christmas cookies this year=exciting! The Poles usually make at least 12 types of cookies at Christmastime--all kinds of miniature cookies! It's a site to see!

Positive Thoughts

2008-11-30T21:39:00.001+01:00

Now that I got that last post out of my system, I think it's best to move on to more positive thoughts. I learned something from a friend the other day. The way that she deals with bad days or slumps is to focus on good things. She has a poster of things that make her happy, even very simple things. I've decided to learn from her, and do the same thing. I guess I'll start here and now. Things I like about myself, and things that just make me happy.

Train rides
Road trips/train trips
English
Speaking Polish with a native without any/many problems
Talking about Bible related things with my students, and answering questions about things that matter to them.
Helping other people, especially when I've been through the same thing they are struggling with, or need help with.
Happy students
Students who draw me things on the chalkboard before I get to class
Ice cream
Dove chocolates
Chocolate chip cookies
My mommy and daddy
My nieces and nephews
My brothers
Driving
Watching movies
Singing good Lutheran hymns
Hearing good Lutheran sermons
Theological discussions
comfortable shoes
summer
tulips
orchids
purple
blue
facebook
hardunger
Melvyn Bragg (author)
good books
a nice walk with a friend
a nice talk with a friend
my cat sleeping on my lap, or my arm like now :)
a clean apartment
a warm, fuzzy Christmas with family
Thanksgiving
pumpkin pie
turkey
the scene of a Christmas tree with pretty decorations on and presents underneath
swimming
being fit :)
a Meryl Streep movie
Mamma Mia!
ABBA
FEEL
Doing an activity in class that makes my students feel special and smart
getting dressed up to go out
dancing
singing
washing my car (when I had one)
getting a postcard or letter from a friend
playing the piano
playing the violin (don't know if I still can!)
sharing something about God/Jesus with someone and getting positive feedback
mission trips to poor areas of the world
visiting old people in nursing homes (they LOVE it!)
my great-grandma Luckow (she's 85! and a ball of fire!)
coloring
drawing
flying
listening to a good friend play the organ (he's awesome!)
looking at pictures
wasting time :)
mowing the lawn
cooking or baking with or for someone, but not alone or just for me
Pani Sonia's buleczki (Mrs. Sonia's sandwiches)
Palermo pizza (I live above this pizzeria)
knowing my family and friends are safe and happy
being a student!! I love it!!
hugs
decorating
journaling (used to...haven't done it for a long time)
talking education with people
the first snow of the year (only!)
springtime
summertime
flowers
lilacs
The Sound of Music
London
Krakow
Lebanon
learning languages
surprises
surprising people
making a difference for the better
good leaders
Nebraska
Minnesota lakes
the Northern Lights
Driving a backhoe, excavator, or dozer
Driving my dad's work truck, a one-ton
writing someone a letter
getting off an airplane (especially the long ones) and walking through the tunnels
walking on those walkways or whatever they're called at the big airports...they help you go quicker...love those things! I couldn't stop smiling, laughing the first time I walked on one (maybe in Minneapolis)
word finds
mountains
fishing
hiking
taking pictures
my college English professor
weekends in Slovakia :)

New things:
Roasted chestnuts-yum!
Vienna

Well, that's all I have time for now, and probably more than you have time to read! I'm going to try to keep adding things... I'm already in a better mood! :)

Now I think it's showertime, wash dishes, and head to bed time.

G'night y'all!

Thoughts Which Plague Me

2008-11-30T21:18:00.000+01:00

So, the most recent plaguing thoughts have been rooted in time and how I spend it. Quite often, I feel guilty about how I spend my time. Some would say I waste my time, even I might say this. I only say it's wasted because I could be getting other things done that are, perhaps, more important, not because I don't enjoy wasting time (mostly). But what I can't understand is how my flat can get so utterly messy in a matter of a couple of days, sometimes not even! This leads me to another frustration: I used to be a neat freak. Now, I am neat, or try to be, but it's not high on the list of important things. I credit a few things to this change: having a total opposite for a roommate in college and having to compromise my cleanliness for something in between. There's also the fact that I've realized there are much more important things in life than keeping a spic 'n' span residence...that came after my "vacation" to Lebanon. For those of you who don't know, I traveled to Lebanon about two years ago to do some mission work with a friend, to arrive and days later, have a war start between Hizbollah (the guerilla army in Lebanon) and Israel. Well, that ended in me being evacuated with most of the country (except for my friend and her family, friends, co-workers, etc.). After which I experienced what the doc said was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...or shell shock. Well, anyway, back to my point, cleaning didn't hold it's high position like before after that experience. However, it is still important. But how can I convince myself to not make a mess? Or to simply put something back after I've used it?

Does this change after you're married? Or after you have kids? Do you become a cleaner, neater, more organized, disciplined person? If so, I want a husband and child right now!

Even my thoughts aren't very organized tonight.

Well, there are several things that I don't like about myself. Lack of cleaning often enough that I don't have to make a day out of it when I do is one of those things. Not working before playing is another. Not sitting up straight another. Hating to cook is yet another. Being disorganized when I used to, as a kid, be so so so utterly organized it was sickening is another. Not being so good at math these days... forgetting things as though I'm an 80-year old woman with Alzheimers... being grumpy sometimes... not knowing what I want in life... not knowing where I'm going... being in a culture other than my own and feeling like everyone hates me--and letting that conquer my thoughts more often than not. Writing posts like these.

I continue to hope that marrying and having children will change these not-so-good qualities into more loving, self-sacrificing, God-centered thoughts and qualities.

The next post will be more uplifting, I swear.

Twenty-Four Hours

2008-11-19T22:10:00.001+01:00

There's never enough time in a day for everything. That's what I decided.

The Movement to Bring Back Arranged Marriages Starts Here

2008-11-18T18:25:00.001+01:00

That's right. I'm giving up. I quit. The end. El Fin. Koniec. Stop.

I'm impatient. Granted, I'm not feeling and I haven't been feeling all that impatient lately, but this is an occasion to blog about something I think we've lost in our culture (on a semi-serious note): arranged marriages. Life would be so much easier if we still practiced arranged marriages. Granted, this could mean our parents picking out our spouses, but I've talked about this with my mom, even asked her (recently) who she would set me up with if this were still the practice and the norm today. And I confess: not a bad choice. A sensible one. The guy she picks is a guy I've been friends with for, for about 7 years. We're good friends. It's a good place to start, right? We don't have to know everything or like everything about each other...that's what marriage is all about anyway, right? (Ok, that and procreation.) But people change through the course of a marriage anyway, so why not marry someone when maybe you don't know them very well, and when they've been hand-picked by your parents who probably know you better than you think they do?

So, basically, if my parents had a dowry for me (or whichever way that works) I'd be okay with it. Granted, kids may not be something my parents would get for a long time...

And on top of that, I could quit worrying about being an old maid, and get back to focusing on life at hand. Right? Or do we always worry about the future?

Cultural Pet Peeves

2008-11-17T17:35:00.000+01:00

You want to know what annoys me? There's quite a list, but I shan't mention them all. And I do not list the following to be snide or rude or culturally insensitive. I have never done anything intentional to be culturally insensitive (though I have been tempted!). Nonetheless, these are the things that still get to me after living in this country for more than a year (for a year and three months, to be exact).

I'm still a baby in this culture, still oblivious to some things, yet so uncomfortably aware of other things. This, in and of itself, is an annoyance. I think it would take a lifetime to get used to another culture, even one that seems to be, on the surface, so similar to my own. On to the ones that really get me...

I speak Polish...well enough. But it's not enough anymore to understand all of my surroundings, including, for example the following situations:

I still don't understand everything in the church services. I go to church with my friends. My friends speak English. My friends don't translate. Sometimes they help me find the Bible references, if they were paying attention long enough to get it. Generally the pastors are either so elloquent with their words that I can't understand a thing (or only a few words and what good is that?) or they speak slow enough, simply enough for me to get the picture, and understand about 80% of what they are saying, which is pretty good. This leads me to the next one...

When I do understand, and on the rare occasion that my reliant translator comes to church anymore (she's a pastor's wife, so she visits other churches with him...her husband is American!) I never hear the Gospel message! Law, guilt, Law, guilt, mixed in with a big dose of more Law! It's getting really irritating. No wonder these people look so oppressed all the time. Maybe it's not simply because they are still remembering the Holocaust (which they do), maybe it's because they don't hear the message of Salvation, Justification, Grace, etc... and neither do I!

The "hymns" here. They are not hymns at all. They are Hillsongs praise songs sometimes set to organ music. Sometimes keyboard and violin. It's beautiful. (sarcasm) I'm not going to rip on Hillsongs right now, but I just don't think a worship service is the place for them. Me, me, me, I, I, I. No. Stop it! It's about Jesus! I want my good LSB hymns back! I want a meaty, substance-filled church service for a change! I want the Gospel, and I want it now! And I want it and long for it for all of Poland.

Now onto other situations... But let me first tell you that my Polish language skills were once really good. They impressed people, lots of people. Now that I'm back to teaching English every day in the classroom, I'm not using it. Therefore, I'm losing it. So, my friends that witnessed firsthand how great my Polish was coming along, assume still that I am still just as great if not better. Well, that's just not the case, as much as I wish it were. It's worse. I feel like a year ago I was doing better. (I wasn't really very good last year Novemberish.) Anyway, I continue to go to their Bible study. I hardly understand what's going on. I end up getting frustrated, and then I get angry with myself. And then I disengage from the group mentally and start thinking about what I need to do when I get home, what lessons am I preparing for the next day or week, etc. I hate myself for it. One place I really need to be is in that Bible study, building relationships with those ladies, studying the Word (if in fact we did study the Word--another pet peeve)...

Normally at these Bible studies, the ladies turn it into social hour. After our social hour, it becomes a topic, sort of related to the Bible, maybe based on a Bible reference, and then they ask how we can compare this to our lives today (add in another social hour).

SCHOOL - Again, with the language barrier. I understand pretty well. Ok, really well (when I really try and when I can ask for a repeat, or if I know, generally, what the subject is). Soo... my kids. They talk about me. And I hear it. And it upsets me. Then I get cranky and it's hard to teach them, especially when they continue to talk about me. If I ask them about it, of course they deny it, or they say I misunderstood. How am I to know for sure. If I ask another teacher about it, they will deny everything. What can I do? How can I get over it so easily when they do not change their behavior and I know they are talking about me?

I'm a missionary, but I'm not exactly allowed to bring the Bible into what I teach. Strange, eh? I know. I try to talk about my faith with the kids, or ask them what they would do in certain situations, but at the same time, I don't want to turn them off to it, so I don't push it. But it's frustrating to be here, doing something very different than what my picture of what a missionary is. I feel useless. No, I feel like a native English speaker being taken for granted. The schools see that someone is willing to come as a volunteer and they say, "hey! We want one!!" So they get a missionary, but upon arrival, they tell the missionary to leave God out of it. Great. And on top of that, they want me to teach the kids British English. Riiiight. It's charming, but I can't teach it. I still have conversations with British friends and don't always understand what they're talking about--we have different idioms, different forms, etc... AND on top of that, the kids don't care. I teach conversation. It's an easy class. I can't assign homework (not supposed to), no tests, just conversation. Easy, right? Not when they don't talk. Try leading a discussion on that!

Well, that's all for now....all that are related to culture. I'm not proud of these things, and I'm not proud to say that these things are annoying or that they hinder my work here. I'm not even saying that I've got the right lenses on to be seeing everything clearly. BUT, this is the way I see things, and that's what makes living in this culture hard. And this is what eats at my soul every day. This is why I am so disappointed when I go to church, feeling so guilty about being cranky with my kids, and don't hear the Gospel, and then start another week feeling down, and then hear my students, get cranky, go to church.... you get the picture. And I'm not so blind that I don't see that this is a spiritual battle, because it is. So pray for me, if you will. Pray that I would be stronger, that I could have the power to say, "Get behind me, Satan!!" Pray that the emptiness, despair, gloom, and dark history of this country wouldn't get me. Pray that homesickness won't overtake me. And pray that I would have friends to encourage me, so that I can be an instrument of God, like He intended me to be.

Trying to Find a Teaching Style

2008-11-15T17:06:00.000+01:00

I teach 8-12 graders. They are Polish kids, and I teach them English. Or rather, English Conversation. It's a broad topic. And it's not what I went to school for. Teaching, yes. Teaching EFL, no. I've been here for more than a year, so I know a good amount of Polish, though I don't use it in my classroom. It's disadvantageous to do so. Anyway, I digress. It's my second year of teaching, so better than the first, but still pining to find my very own effective teaching style. The school systems in Eastern Europe are so much different than those in the States or in England, so it's hard to even figure out my place with the other teachers (culturally, professionally), let alone the students. It's a struggle, and every day I hope I'm a step closer to being a better teacher. But it's not enough to hope, and most days it seems it's not even enough to love those kids. Some hate me, some love me, some don't care. I can't help but wonder if this is what life's all about: struggling to find your place. I hope not. Though it sure would be easier to find your place in life if we still adopted the practice of arranged marriages. Again, I digress. But my poor students. They have to deal with me trying out new practices on them. Some require me to be strict, others I hardly need to use discipline with, and with others, nothing seems to work. Maybe it's because of cultural differences, and the differences in the systems that we're used to.

Maybe it has more to do with the subject matter: conversation. Since we can talk about anything humanly imaginable, no one can think of anything to talk about, OR they don't want to (usually the latter).

No matter what the cause, it's a struggle, and it's my cross to bear with a smile. I just pray the day comes soon when I can reach out to those kids effortlessly and more importantly, effectively. Until then, I will continue to struggle, I will continue to pray for those kids and for myself. And I will do it knowing I'm another day closer to being a better teacher...and to retirement.

Beware: New Blogger

2008-11-15T16:46:00.000+01:00

I'm welcoming myself to the blogging world, not knowing yet what I'm going to write about or why. And this is the very reason I named my blog "Two Cents." It will be whatever is on my mind: politics, work, life, you name it. So, if'n you care to read this, enjoy the random collection!